What Self-Care Looks Like With a Toddler
By Lauren Trend
Photographed by Iringo Demeter
I have a vivid memory, from years ago, when Self Practice was in its infancy. I received a short and sharp Instagram comment, that stopped me in my tracks: ‘Just wait till you have kids. You don’t get to be this self centred when you’re a parent.’
I remember thinking to myself. ‘Wow. That won’t be my story. I won’t let it. I will always find a way to prioritise my own care, because I know the positive impact that will have on future family.’
I’ve thought about that comment often, and today I meet that person with so much compassion and understanding. The truth is, you don’t know what kind of parent you’re going to be, until you are one. And sometimes, I can completely relate to that person’s sentiments. I find myself in those shoes often. And can truly empathise with, and understand where they were coming from.
When you’re a parent, your entire centre of gravity shifts. Your nervous system goes into overdrive and your responsible for the needs of this tiny person, in addition to being responsible for everything else that once existed in your life (plus, a whole lot more)! They were right. You really don’t get to be as self-centred as you once were.
I will always look back on the years that I started this business, as some of the most selfish of my life. And I mean that, in the best possible way. In being so bold and centring my needs, unapologetically, it made creating the life I wanted possible. I called in the partner, I called in the baby - despite every hurdle along our way as a Queer family.
Being a parent is one of the most simultaneously rewarding and challenging things I’ve ever done. Throw running a business into the mix and it’s a wonder I’m still standing.
The truth is, I’m not always. Standing that is. Lately I’ve made a few major life shifts because quite frankly, my nervous system was just not having it. Cue, cutting out alcohol and coffee, entirely. Plus, as you’ve no doubt noticed, taking a break on longer form editorial content here - because quite honestly, a few things had to give.
I think that’s the part that I struggle with the most, as a parent less than two years into this journey. That no matter which way you look at it, something almost always, has to give. It can feel like you’re loosing out, all the time. But lately, I’ve been hard at work on shifting that narrative. Because, honestly, it wasn’t doing me any favours.
I recently partook in an interview with Dear Dilate, and a large part of the conversation centred on what my self-care practices look like now that I’m a parent. Had you asked me six months ago, I would have said they’re fairly non existent. But today, I’m really proud that I’ve had the clarity and space to shift that.
An excerpt from that piece below, that I thought might resonate with a number of you..
Q. Self-care and motherhood often don’t come hand-in-hand, but it is so important, and I know you have a really good routine in terms of exercise and wellness. What self-care practices do you have in place? How do you ensure you take time out for yourself, and how do you make this happen?
A. I think one’s relationship with self-care is something that’s constantly in flux and ever evolving. During some seasons, it’s not even a possibility let alone a forethought, and other times, we’re all over it. Mine is no different. While I’ve built a brand and business centred around fostering the relationship that we have with ourselves, I’m no perfect student. I’m constantly looking for ways to better show up for myself, especially since becoming a mother and putting the needs of
my child and family first.
As touched on earlier (in the interview), something I’m trying to be cognisant of is not denying myself of moments of self-care if Mila is in my presence, and bringing her into the fold with me. It might not be the picture perfect, luxe scenario that it might be if I had that time in the bath or with a book alone, but it’s important for me to teach her what caring for ourselves looks like. Whether that’s sharing a bath, a long (and very slow!) walk around the block, or taking to my
journal while she sits next to me drawing with some crayons.
The more that I can intertwine my role as a mother with my self-care practices, the more I feel myself relax into the present moment, and to me - that’s the most important marker of well-being - both as a person, and a parent.
Present, attentive. Prioritising mindful care.
You can read the interview in full, here.